Life-Saving Advice From Your Digestive Organs

MOUTH: Here’s the first bite. It’s a cheeseburger with ketchup and pickles, served on a white-flour bun. Although the hamburger is only 20% fat by weight, my analysis shows that 45% of the calories are fat calories. The fat content in the cheese accounts for 70% of the calories. The pickle has too much sodium and the ketchup is one third of the sugar found in a soft drink.

STOMACH: I need a fast decision from the Digestive Organs Crew about what they want to do with all this excess dietary fat.

LIVER: A quick check of our glycogen energy supplies indicates healthy reserves. We vote to convert the dietary fat to body fat. Stand by while I manufacture a little extra cholesterol in order to digest this stuff.

STOMACH: This guy’s trousers are already too tight!

DIGESTIVE ORGANS CREW: We know that but until he improves his diet he doesn’t leave us any other choice.

EYES: You guys want something to complain about? Here it comes! A small order of chips – 220 worthless calories, 47% from fat.

STOMACH: Give me a plain sweet potato – please! Hold the butter; hold the cheese-even hold the sour cream. Mash it, bake it or boil it and add Salsa or Chutney.

BLOODSTREAM: With a few complex carbohydrates, we could supply the landlord with some high-quality energy.

PANCREAS: All I hear is, “hurry-more insulin”, “too much insulin”, “not enough insulin”. If this landlord treated his car like he treats his body, it would be a wreck in six months.

MOUTH: Speaking of insulin, this guy is gulping a chocolate milkshake. Ten more teaspoons of hidden sugar- 383 empty calories. It will be in the bloodstream within five minutes! Pancreas, if you don’t give him a generous dose of insulin to burn up the excess sugar, he’s going to be hyperglycemic! If only he had decided to drink a delicious Herbalife Shake.

DIGESTIVE ORGANS CREW: Pancreas, you never seem to fail us. Little does the landlord realize he would be out within hours if you ever did?

BLOODSTREAM: Oh, oh! The insulin dose was too much; my blood-sugar level is dropping below normal.

PANCREAS: Refined sugars get into the bloodstream so that they usually trigger emergency doses of insulin. Hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) usually results, but I never know how much sugar the landlord is going to ingest so there’s no way to dispense insulin accurately under those conditions. Sorry guys. 

MOUTH: Wouldn’t it be a real treat if the landlord had a vegetable salad with Vinaigrette Dressing and a piece of Whole wheat Bread for lunch one day? Dinner could be a piece of baked chicken with Mango Sauce and he could finish it off with a big bowl of fresh Peach Sorbet.

BLOODSTREAM: Whole-grain bread, please! That refined white stuff is one step removed from becoming sugar and it gets into my system just about as fast. Besides that, white flour is missing 78% of the nutrients contained in whole-wheat. The intake of so much refined food has seriously reduced the quantity and quality of our body-building supplies. Refined and packaged foods are really inferior when compared to the nutrients found in fresh, whole foods.

BRAIN: I’ve often wondered what a master home builder would say if his supplier gave him cracked dry wall, soft bricks, shingles full of holes and leaky plumbing supplies.

MOUTH: He wouldn’t even attempt to build with such inferior materials. The builder would read his supplier the riot act. He’d rant and rave until the supplier got the message.

STOMACH: I rant and rave sometimes, but the landlord never gets the message. He tries to shut me up with antacid pills.

DIGESTIVE ORGANS CREW: Speaking of indigestion, this guy could use a healthy dose of soluble and insoluble fibre!

COLON: Speaking of fibre! I’m still storing what the landlord ate three days ago and it’s getting pretty putrid.

BLOODSTREAM: You know, I hate this low blood-sugar status, because that’s when I’m most susceptible to viral and bacterial infections.

BRAIN: I always know when your sugar lever drops below normal because I begin to feel tired.

MOUTH: All that’s about to change: Its break time… I mean cola time and that’s good for 10 more teaspoons of sugar and 162 useless calories.

BLOODSTREAM: Pancreas, stand by! I’m, going to need a BIG dose of insulin. By the way, my cholesterol levels are above 200; the arteries, vessels and capillaries are getting clogged!

HEART: Somehow we’ve got to reduce the blockage in the nutritional supply line. I’m pumping harder than ever. Blood pressure is above normal. And I get repeated complaints from the brain.

BRAIN: Some of the plumbing up here is pretty weak. If this pressure continues, one of these vessels is going to spring a leak, and the landlord is going to take a very expensive trip to the hospital.

STOMACH: Well, if he survives maybe we’ll get some decent nutrition down here and we can do a much better job of keeping him healthy!

LIVER: What makes you think getting sick would make this guy change his diet?

BRAIN: Do you know how many times I process the thought, “It won’t happen to me?” While there is still time to make dietary improvements, he probably won’t. But after he’s lost his health, he’ll give everything he owns to climb stairs without assistance or be around to see his first grandchild born.

BLOODSTREAM: What’s it going to take to reverse this cholesterol build-up and give this guy a new lease on life?

LIVER: If only he’d start eating fruits, vegetables and whole grains, I could do a much better job! You see, the main ingredient of bile is cholesterol. The bile I manufacture to digest fats is continuously recycled if there is little or no soluble fibre in the system. When the landlord eats a lot of soluble fibre, the intestines get a gel-like coating on their interior wall that prevents the bile from being absorbed and reused. So, the bile gets flushed from the body and blood cholesterol levels drop!

EYES: Listen guys, this landlord buys way too much processed food from a supermarket or fast-food restaurant. It’s all been homogenized, irradiated, separated, blanched, fermented, hydrogenated, saturated, deep-fried, germinated, boiled, gassed, dyed, aerated, artificially preserved and packaged–empty calories are all that’s left!

DIGESTIVE ORGANS CREW: Most of the time we have to convert those empty calories to fat. It’s rather senseless because we have a fat reserve now that’s 30 pounds more than the landlord needs.

BLOODSTREAM: Another problem is his consumption of 40 teaspoons of sugar a day. He doesn’t even know he eats that much sugar because it’s hidden in all the packaged foods.

BRAIN: What do you think of that whole wheat bread he’s been eating lately?

EYES: That’s not whole wheat bread! It’s white flour bread with caramel food coloring. He’s been duped by a technicality in the food labeling laws. One-hundred percent whole wheat in this case means that the flour in the recipe is derived 100% from wheat (meaning it doesn’t include flours derived from other grains). It hardly has any nutritional value!

STOMACH: I can vouch for that. It acts just like a simple carbohydrate. By the time it gets to me it’s only one step from becoming sugar.

BLOODSTREAM: That’s right! If it were a high fibre, complex carbohydrate – which whole wheat is – energy would enter the bloodstream more slowly and not trigger the release of so much insulin.

BRAIN: Well. Crew, it’s clear the landlord needs to make some changes. He needs to start reading labels of processed foods, and make sure he’s getting enough fibre to reduce his cholesterol! And he should cut back on sugar to keep his blood-sugar level within normal range. Let’s just hope the landlord’s listening-before it’s too late!

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